


your creator is waiting

by riririn



Category: Guardians of the Galaxy (Movies)
Genre: F/M, Parent-child relationships, bad ones
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-13
Updated: 2018-08-13
Packaged: 2019-06-26 23:16:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,243
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15673272
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/riririn/pseuds/riririn
Summary: ”It’s just... Hard, sometimes. Harder than I thought it would be,” she told him. “Sometimes I wish I could be like Nebula. She hates him unconditionally. She just hates, and hates, and hates like she has no other emotions left in her.”Gamora on Thanos, and herself.





	your creator is waiting

**Author's Note:**

> In another place  
> There's a newer face  
> Like an unfinished painting  
> Your creator is waiting  
> The brush and pen describe  
> What it is inside  
> That will set your mind thinking  
> While the others are sinking  
> Moonlight night after moonlight night  
> Side by side they will see us ride  
> But if they cared to look, then they would see  
> It's our return to fantasy, fantasy, fantasy, oh yeah  
> Fantasy, fantasy, fantasy
> 
> Return To Fantasy, Uriah Heep

”It’s just... Hard, sometimes. Harder than I thought it would be,” she told him. “Sometimes I wish I could be like Nebula. She hates him unconditionally. She just hates, and hates, and hates like she has no other emotions left in her.”

“But she does,” Peter said quietly. “She cares about you. She doesn’t hate you like she hates Thanos, she actually cares about you.”

Gamora didn’t know how to answer that. It was true, that much was undeniable; Nebula didn’t come by often, but when she did, she always found Gamora first. Once, Nebula had even burst in to her room when Gamora had been occupied with Peter, apparently not listening to whatever Mantis had tried to say to her to prevent the scene. Drax and Groot had slept through the whole debacle, and Rocket had just laughed, long and hard.

“I know she cares,” Gamora answered, and took Peter’s hand in her own. “It’s not that. Even her hate is caring, I think. I just wish, sometimes, that I could hate Thanos the way she does. Because even though I hate him, I don’t just hate him.”

And that was the problem, wasn’t it? She didn’t hate him with the sun-burning passion like Nebula, she wasn’t consumed by her hatred of him the way her sister was. Or had been, at least. And sometimes Gamora hated herself for that. She hated the part of herself that still remembered the way Thanos had been kind to her, if only for a fleeting moment. Hated the way he had called her his daughter with pride in his voice. Hated it, because she couldn’t place the feelings it awoke in her. She didn’t want to remember those things.

But the truth was that she could hardly remember her parents anymore. Her Mother was clearer, her long hair, her hands in Gamora’s hair at night, lulling her to sleep. Her Father was all but gone, lost to the screams and the terror and the hulking figure that took his place, years past.

She hadn’t really even tried to hold on to her memories. Not like Peter had. He had kept his mother alive, if only to him, by holding on to everything that reminded him of her. His Terran keepsakes. All the stories he told about Terra. She suspected that he didn’t really care about Terra at all, but rather it was the only thing that connected him to his mother. A lot of his stories about Terra were like a child’s stories. There was much that sounded plausible, but it was as if he knew where to start and where to finish, knew how the story begins and ends. She suspected he made up most of the in-between to make up for forgetting.

None of the stories about his mother were like that. When he was talking about her, he sometimes told Gamora that he wasn’t sure. He said he’d never been sure about some things, when it came to her. But he tried not to talk about those things, he focused on what he could remember.

 _Tell me something you remember_ , he’d said, once, when they were lying side by side on the floor of the _Benatar_ , just staring at the ceiling of the new ship _._ Not too long after Ego. She had been quiet for a long time, she remembered that. She still didn’t want to look at most of her memories too closely. She was scared she would only see death and blood, hear the agony, see her father who she didn’t want.

And at the same time, back then, it had felt too early to him much about her home planet, her real parents. Like Rocket, like Peter when you got down to it, she played her cards close to her chest. Even having admitted that she cared about him, she hadn’t felt quite ready yet to let it all out. But she had wanted to try, for him. She had wanted, did still want, to be more open, to learn to trust. She had wanted to love and be loved, she still wanted these feelings to last.

 _Once, many years ago, Thanos took Nebula and I to a planet. I can’t remember its name anymore, if I ever heard it, but it was beautiful. From high up, I could see that it was mostly water, purple water, and there were little islands scattered there, all over. The islands were…_ she had paused for a moment and turned to her side to face him. _The little islands were white-silver. It was like looking at diamonds on a sea of purple. It was beautiful. It was so beautiful. For a long time, whenever I needed a distraction, I would close my eyes and there it was, the glittering of the islands._

Peter had smiled. He had lifted a hand and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. She’d leaned into the touch, had wanted it to last but been too scared to hope. _Do you want to hear the rest_? she’d asked, instead.

 _I do, but Gamora…_ Peter’s eyes had been sad. _I know you have nightmares about Thanos, so if you don’t feel like talkin’ about things related to him, it’s fine, I understand._

 _It’s okay_ , she’d said. _I want to tell you_.

 _He made us fight, on one of those islands. I won. He left us there, for the night, to survive on our own. I don’t know why. Nebula… well, you’ve seen her. I tried to help her, but I didn’t know how, and she just pushed me away. But, Peter, what I really remember from that night is how even after all that, it was still beautiful._ She’d laughed. _The planet had three moons, and the sky was clear so you could see all of them, and everything around me, the rocks, the sand, the plants, they were all still like diamonds._

She’d stopped, then. It had been the point of no return, she’d known it even then.

_I remember thinking, back then, that Thanos tries to take everything but maybe, maybe he can’t. If even after he made me almost kill my sister there was something beautiful left in the world, then maybe he wouldn’t get it all in the end._

He’d pulled her to his side, then, and held her, kissed her, held her close.

 _I want to live_ , she’d whispered. _I want to live, live here, with you and the others. I, we, will need to do deal with him at some point, but for now, I want to live._

 _We’ve got time_ , he’d said. _Not, like, all the time in the world, but we’ve got time_. He’d almost said something else, too, she could hear it from the way his breath hitched but had instead just shake his head.

After a while, he started talking again. _Gamora, I want to be good to you. I wanna do this right. So, you know, you can tell me if something’s on your mind, or if you’re not sure about something. I want to know, and I want to help you like you help me. You don’t have to tell me everything, like, immediately, but I want you to know that if you need help figuring it out, I’ll listen. And, I dunno, give great advice_. They both had laughed at that.

_I’ll remember that._

And here, talking about her sister, she remembered, she did.

**Author's Note:**

> Been sitting on this for a little while; maybe getting it out will make me start writing something new!


End file.
